I didn't want you to call me weak
by AikaRikaru
Summary: A Shounen-Ai story about Orochimaru and Sasuke. It is told in Sasuke's POV, and it is about him dealing with his ever growing feelings of affection for his serpentine master.
1. Prologue

**Prologue - Thoughts**

I don't know when I began having these thoughts, or why I even started thinking them in the first place; but all I know is that I can't stop. Orochimaru is constantly on my mind. I often catch myself staring into his irresistibly golden eyes; even with the knowledge that the action causes chills to run down my spine. I know he's caught me staring longer than I should, but I can't help myself. His response to my staring is always the same: "What is it child?". And it's always that question that brings me back to reality. I tell him it's nothing, and he laughs softly in reply. Just the sound of his voice is enough to make me feel light-headed. And the way he says my name makes my heart beat so fast I feel as if it might burst forth from my chest at any moment. But I only receive part of his attention... Kabuto is almost always by his side. The only time I'm ever alone with Orochimaru is during our training. It's only a few hours a day, but I savor every second of it. I desperately want to tell Orochimaru how he makes me feel, but it's nearly impossible with Kabuto around. I'm not even sure Orochimaru would accept my feelings, much less return them. I'm also afraid if I do tell Orochimaru how I feel, he will call me weak. I do not want people to think I'm weak, and I most certainly do not want the man I admire most to think that.

* * *

A/N: This is just a simple prologue I've written for an upcoming Sasuke and Orochimaru fan fiction I'm working on. :)

I'm not sure how many chapters there will be, nor how often I will be updating.

Story © Kaylin Johnson 2014

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto 2002/2007 Shippuden


	2. Snake Eyes

I awoke early in the morning like I always do, however; today I decided I just didn't feel like getting out of bed. I yawned softly as I rolled over to lie on my back. All I did for twenty minutes was stare at the ceiling, thinking of what I always think about: Orochimaru. I thought about his eyes and how they light up when he looks at me. I thought about his voice and how it sounds when he says my name. It was then that I decided I didn't feel like dealing with him today... Or rather, to be more precise; I wasn't sure I _could_ deal with him today. Sometimes it's just too painful for me to be around him. I sighed before slowly rolling over onto my right side and pulling the blanket over my head. I gently nuzzled into my pillow and allowed myself to fall back asleep.

I awoke several hours later when I heard an annoying knocking sound on my door. I sighed quietly to myself and kept quiet; hoping whoever was knocking would just give up and go away. Again I heard knocking, but I continued to stay silent. Once more I heard knocking, followed by a heavy sigh. I couldn't be sure, but it sounded like Kabuto. I heard whoever was on the other side of the door start to walk down the hallway. I waited in silence and listened to see if anyone would return. After twenty minutes of silence, I decided it was safe to go back to sleep. I closed my eyes and nuzzled into my pillow again, drifting off to sleep almost instantly.

* * *

I was startled awake suddenly by a soft and soothing voice. I opened my eyes instantly and activated my Sharingan. It took me a moment to realize it was only Orochimaru and not an unknown intruder.

He looked down at me with concern in his eyes. "Are you alright child?"

I slowly deactivated my Sharingan as the slight panic feeling I had ceased. All I could do in that moment was stare blankly up at Orochimaru and blink my eyes. I was so drowsy from sleeping all afternoon and being woken up suddenly that I was finding it hard to focus.

"Sasuke?" His voice was soft and full of concern.

"What?" I asked simply.

He sighed and shook his head. "I asked if you were alright."

I nodded my head slowly, all the while keeping direct eye contact with him. "I don't understand why you would think something was wrong with me when I was only sleeping."

Orochimaru raised a brow at my statement. "Do you have any idea what time it is?" He sighed as I shook my head in response. "It's 3:00 pm, child. You didn't show up for your training session, and I was beginning to think something might have happened to you. I even sent Kabuto to come see if you were alright earlier, but he said you didn't answer the door." He tilted his head suddenly, and I could tell he was awaiting an explanation.

I didn't know what to tell him. I wasn't sure whether to lie, or to tell him the truth. So I decided to play it safe with a neutral response. "I don't owe you an explanation."

He chuckled softly. "Oh, but, Sasuke... You most certainly do. Just who do you think has taken care of you and trained you for the past three years?" He was dangerously close to my face, his golden eyes glaring right into my own onyx ones.

I was feeling rather conflicted as to what I should do in that moment. I decided to return the glare, after all; _he _woke _me_ up, not the other way around. "I think I've more than repaid you for the training Orochimaru." I watched as his glare became colder.

He hissed at my words. "Oh do you? And what exactly have you done to repay me, my dear Sasuke?"

"I've gone on so many pointless errands for you over the years I've lost count." I internally sighed at the fact that I was briefly distracted by his eyes before I was able to continue speaking. "I don't recall a single time where I complained about going on those errands for you, even when I found them a complete and utter waste of my time and effort."

He took a deep breath and sighed. "Even so, it's not like you to skip your training." His eyes suddenly gleamed mischievously. "If you make a habit of it, you will never become truly powerful. You will never be able to obtain your precious revenge. And we wouldn't want that to happen, now would we?"

At first I felt angry by his words, angry that he even dared to speak of such things to me. But when I saw the playful, teasing look in his eyes; I felt my fears becoming reality. Orochimaru was insinuating that I was weak, that I would never be strong enough to kill Itachi. All I could think about was whether or not Orochimaru really thought I was weak. In that moment I couldn't tell if he was being sincere or just trying to get a rise out of me. So I all did was stare into his eyes; hoping they could tell me just what he truly thought of me.

Orochimaru tilted his head slightly and looked at me questioningly. "You seem to be rather fascinated by my eyes lately."

I blinked a few times and then glared at him. "Where else am I supposed to look right now when they're just inches from my face?"

He laughed softly but showed no sign that he was going to move. "I will leave once you tell me why you had the sudden desire to sleep your entire day away."

I sighed. "Are you unaware of the concept of a person feeling tired?" I didn't even try to hide the irritation in my voice that time. I really did want to go back to sleep and be left in peace. Or as much peace as one can be in my situation...

Orochimaru sighed and shook his head as he stood up. "Fine, stay here and sleep for the rest of the day. However, you are to meet me in the training room bright and early tomorrow morning. We will be training for six hours rather than our usual three. Understood?" He didn't even bother waiting for me to reply as he left my room.

I sighed again as I listened to him getting farther and farther away. _"Oh great, I just guaranteed myself a whole six hours with Orochimaru; where I'll have to act like my usual cold and arrogant self... On the bright side; I get to spend a whole six hours with Orochimaru; where I'll get multiple chances to gaze hopelessly into his eyes and hear him speak my name over and over again... Even if it is just to scold me."_

I laughed pitifully at my own foolish thoughts as I ran my fingers through my hair. I thought about getting up and eating something, but I really didn't think I'd die after one day of not eating, so I just continued to think about Orochimaru. _"My life would be so much easier if I could just get that stupid, cold-blooded, sadistic, beautiful..." _I sighed when I realized I was no longer insulting him. As hard as I tried, I couldn't go back to sleep. I was wide awake now because I couldn't stop thinking about how close he had gotten to me. I let out a frustrated sigh as I got out of bed. After ten minutes of pacing around my room, I decided to take a shower.

I instantly felt better the moment the hot water hit my skin. For twenty minutes all I did was stand there under the running water. For the first time in months I was able to completely clear my mind of all thoughts. I just focused on the way the water felt on my skin, and how warm it was. I turned off the water after a few more minutes and stepped out of the shower to get dressed. I put on my usual sound village attire and brushed my teeth. Against my better judgment, I decided to go find the source of my frustration. I silently left my bedroom and made my way to Orochimaru's study. I had a feeling he would be there at this time of day, and I was praying that Kabuto wasn't with him.

It took me about ten minutes to reach Orochimaru's study. I was about to knock when I realized that would have been highly out of character for me, so I just walked in. It seemed I was in luck; Orochimaru was indeed in his study, and there was no sign of Kabuto whatsoever. I closed the door behind me, and waited for him to notice me. He didn't even bother looking up from the various scrolls he was reading.

He sighed. "I told you a thousand times, I will eat when I'm hungry." He continued looking over his scrolls. "But since you're here, I could use some assistance." It was obvious that Orochimaru thought I was Kabuto.

"I don't know how much help I'll be." I replied in a casual tone.

Orochimaru looked up from his desk and turned around to face me. "Oh, Sasuke it's you. I thought you were Kabuto."

"I kind of got that." I took a few brave steps closer to him as I spoke.

He folded his arms across his chest. "I'm rather busy child, so make it quick."

I had to force myself to stop while there was still a few feet in between us. It took all of my strength not to embrace him. I tried so hard to look anywhere but his eyes in that moment. But try as I might, I just couldn't help myself from staring into them once again. "To be honest I'm not sure why I'm here, but I suppose I could try helping you if you need me to."

He blinked a few times as his expression softened. "Hmm, tired of sleeping are we? Well no matter, I appreciate the..." He paused mid-sentence and looked at me questioningly. "Would you like to explain as to why you're constantly staring into my eyes, Sasuke? The first few times I thought I was imagining things, but now it seems to have become a habit of yours."

I felt my heart skip a beat, I wasn't sure how to answer that. For some reason I couldn't move, I just froze. This moment felt all too familiar; it reminded me of the first time I met Orochimaru in the Forest of Death during the Chunin exams. When all I could do was stand there scared out of my mind and tremble in fear as he came at me with the snake he had summoned. He continued to stare at me, patiently waiting for my answer, but I still couldn't speak. In fact, it suddenly felt like I wasn't getting enough air in my lungs. I wanted so badly to just tell him the truth about how I feel; but I was still too scared of what his response would be, so I kept silent.

Orochimaru leaned in close to my face and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Sasuke, your face is turning blue, why aren't you breathing?"

I exhaled the breath that I hadn't realized I was holding, and then inhaled deeply. I shook my head slowly, and tried to speak, but I couldn't. He was too close and he had his hands on my shoulders. _"I really need to get a hold of myself... I'm supposed to be a heartless ninja set on a quest for revenge. And here I am, speechless and light-headed all because of one man." _ I was lost in my own thoughts as I stared blankly at Orochimaru.

He knit his brows together in concern before placing his right hand against my forehead. "I think it would be wise if you returned to bed, you seem to be ill, which means we should probably skip training tomorrow."

That immediately snapped me out of my thoughts. "No." I shook my head. "I'm not skipping my training tomorrow, I'm fine." Honestly I didn't feel fine, but I didn't want _him_ to know that. Besides, it's not like I was actually ill, I was just about to die of a heart attack...

He sighed and stepped away from me. "Your stubbornness is going to kill you one of these days." He crossed his arms over his chest again. "Fine, we'll train tomorrow as planned. Now, off to bed before I change my mind."

Wordlessly, I turned around and left his study. I walked through the seemingly endless hallways until I reached my bedroom. I walked over to my bed and collapsed onto it. A sigh escaped my lips as I thought of how pathetic I had acted in front of Orochimaru. I had only been in his presence for a few minutes, and yet I almost suffocated myself. I closed my eyes and sighed again. Tomorrow is going to be a very long day...

* * *

A/N: Well I hope everyone enjoys the first chapter, I am trying my best to keep them in character.

I'm not sure as to when the next chapter will be up. I have school, and when I'm not doing that I'm usually drawing or playing video games. :)

Thank you for reading.

~Kaylin.

Sasuke Uchiha, Orochimaru, and Kabuto © Masashi Kishimoto


	3. Gentle Words

It was now morning and nearly time for me to meet with Orochimaru in the training room. I groaned in frustration. I didn't get anymore sleep after I had returned to my room yesterday afternoon. All I did was lay there and think of Orochimaru for hours and hours until it was time for me to get ready for training. I showered and dressed quickly before sheathing my sword and placing it in it's usual place in the back of my rope belt. I slowly made my way to the training room and noticed Orochimaru wasn't there yet. I sat down on the ground with my legs crossed and placed my hands on my knees. Closing my eyes I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. I was finally able to clear my mind and begin my pre-training meditation.

"_Sasuke." I thought I heard someone say my name and then begin to shake my shoulders gently. I brushed it off and continued my meditation._

"Sasuke!"

I was suddenly startled awake and opened my eyes wide. I saw Orochimaru in front of me with an impatient look on his face. "...Huh?" I blinked a few times.

"Were you really that deep in meditation, or were you sleeping?" There was no trace of humor in his voice.

"You weren't here yet, so I decided to meditate while I waited." I honestly felt a little embarrassed by the fact that I had fallen asleep while meditating. Hopefully I hadn't slept for too long though, I really didn't feel like dealing with an angry Orochimaru. "How long were you trying to get my attention?"

He chuckled softly. "I only now walked in child, I was just making sure you were well enough to train." Orochimaru walked across the room until there was a good twenty feet between us. Then he retrieved his Kusangi from his throat as he usually does. Honestly I can't stand when he does that, it's a really disgusting habit of his, but he doesn't seem to mind holding a sword covered in his own saliva...

"Draw your sword child." I watched his eyes light up with excitement like they always do before a battle.

I stood up and removed my sword from its sheath and took a fighting stance. "What are we starting with?"

He smirked. "Stamina and endurance. We're going to sword fight until you're unable to continue. And you're not allowed to use your Sharingan." I watched as he spun his sword around in his hand a few times. "You're not going to get stronger physically if you rely solely on your Kekkei Genkai. Just because your eyes can see an attack coming, doesn't mean your body will be able to keep up with the attack, let alone counter it." He lunged at me, officially marking the start of our training session.

"Tch. I know that." I leapt forward and successfully countered his attack. Our swords continuously clashed together in perfect synchronization. Orochimaru and I were so in tune with each other in that moment, that I felt as if we were in the middle of a graceful dance rather than a sword fight.

Our dance continued for another two hours before I noticed Orochimaru didn't look too well. He swung his sword at me once, and instead of blocking his attack, I hit his sword out of his hand. It flew off into the corner of the room and stuck into the ground. I put my own sword back into its sheath.

Orochimaru hissed at me. "Sasuke, what do you think you're doing? Are you seriously telling me you're tired already?"

I sighed. "I would have no problem with continuing, you on the other hand, should take a break." He was covered in sweat and looked like he was about to pass out.

"What are you talking about child? I'm perfectly fi—" His sentence was cut short when he suddenly went into a violent coughing fit. I watched as he hunched over and clutched at his stomach.

I stepped a little closer to him as I hesitantly placed a hand on his shoulder. My heart skipped a beat as I began to gently rub circles on his back. I felt rather awkward and unsure of myself for the first time in my life. It was apparently helping to calm him down though, as his coughing began to die down. I felt like I should say something to him or ask him if he was alright, but I've never really been good with words; so I just continued to gently rub his back.

Orochimaru stopped coughing and took a few deep, shaky breaths as he straightened himself back up.

He appeared to catch his breath after another couple of minutes, and started breathing normally again.

"Sasuke." His voice was so quiet.

I looked up at him slowly, however; I failed to remove my hand from his back. "Yes?"

He raised a brow as he looked down at me. "You can remove your hand from my back now, I'm done coughing."

I tensed up immediately as I averted my eyes and removed my hand from his back. _"This can't be happening again...my heart is beating too quickly...I wish this didn't happen when I was around him."_

I couldn't look at him, and I couldn't move. Was I feeling embarrassed or shy?

He didn't laugh like he usually would, instead, he just stared at me for a moment. "I'm afraid we're going to have to cut our training short today. I'm going to return to my room and lay down for a while."

He began walking away, but something was off. Orochimaru still looked like he could pass out at any second.

Without even thinking, I stepped forward and placed Orochimaru's left arm around my shoulders, and placed my right arm around his waist. "Before you start protesting, I'm just making sure the only person with enough skill to give me power doesn't injure himself." I began leading Orochimaru back to his bedroom. _"My heart beat is so loud and fast right now...Surely he can hear it..."_

To my surprise, he didn't protest, he just walked with me. The journey back to his room was rather silent, the only noises to be heard were those made by our footsteps. Once we reached his bedroom, he opened the door slowly. "My bed, child."

I walked him over to his bed and helped him lay down. I watched as he laid back against his pillow and let out a sigh. His eyes were closed now and he appeared to be in pain. "Let Kabuto know that I need him." He inhaled sharply and coughed a few times.

I frowned when I heard him use the words _Kabuto_ and _need _in the same sentence. "Understood."

Orochimaru sighed softly. "Thank you."

My heart stopped the moment I heard those words, and I said nothing as I left his room in search of Kabuto. I sighed as I walked down the hallway leading to Kabuto's lab. I hate how close Orochimaru's room is to Kabuto's lab. It takes only five minutes to reach it, but it takes twenty minutes from my own bedroom.

Kabuto looked up from his desk as I walked in. "Oh,Sasuke. And what brings you here?" He pushed his glasses back up as he spoke.

I was about to tell him what Orochimaru had intended me to, but it was in that moment that I decided I didn't want Kabuto anywhere near him. After all, I was supposed to have the next four hours alone with Orochimaru, and the fact that he was unable to train any longer wasn't going to change that. "Orochimaru asked me to come retrieve some medication that will help settle his stomach and prevent him from going into another coughing fit." I made sure that my voice sounded as uninterested as it usually does when I speak with Kabuto.

His eye twitched, and for a minute, he looked rather irritated. "Oh, I see. Well it'll just take me a minute to put something together for him." He turned around and began preparing Orochimaru's medication.

After a few more minutes he turned around and handed me a small cup filled with a rather vile looking liquid, along with a tall glass of water. "Here you are Sasuke. Make sure he drinks all of the medicine, as well as all of the water. I'm sure even _you_ can do that much."

I took the cups of water and medicine from his hands and resisted my sudden urge to punch him in the mouth. I turned around and made my way back to Orochimaru's room without so much as a thank you.

* * *

I slowly opened the door to Orochimaru's room and walked in. He looked like he was sleeping, so I made sure to be quiet as I walked over to his bed. I gently placed the cups down on the bedside table. I wasn't really sure I should wake him up just yet, so I sat down on a chair near his bed.

"I'm not sleeping you know." His voice was soft as he spoke, and his eyes had a gentle look to them as he stared at me. He shifted the pillow so he could sit up comfortably. I watched as he blinked a few times, trying to wake himself up from his short nap.

I stood up and grabbed the cup of medicine. "Here." I held the cup out to him. "Kabuto made something to settle your stomach and prevent you from coughing for a while." He took the cup from me and began drinking the foul medicine. Once he drank all of his medication, he gave the empty cup back to me, and I handed him the glass of water. I silently watched as he drank the entire glass of water.

He handed me the empty glass when he was finished, and I set it on his bedside table. I watched as he closed his eyes and slowly opened them again, and I could tell he was struggling to stay awake. "Sleep."

Orochimaru sighed and shook his head. "It wasn't just medicine I needed child." He blinked his eyes a few times. "I would prefer to sleep without this rope around my waist, it's not exactly comfortable."

My stupid heart skipped another beat when I realized he was expecting me to remove the rope for him. I leaned down and began to untie the purple rope that was around his waist. I wasn't really sure as to where he wanted it, so I just set it on his desk. "Do you need anything—" I didn't finish my sentence as he appeared to have gone to sleep in the short time since I turned my back on him. He looked so peaceful in his sleep, and he appeared to be breathing normally. A sad sigh escaped my lips as I sat down in the chair beside his bed. I decided I was going to stay and watch him sleep for the remainder of our training time. I was rather content with watching over him for a little while, but after an hour of watching him sleep, my eyes began to feel heavy. _"Closing my eyes for a few minutes won't hurt anything..."_ I yawned softly and closed my eyes as I got more comfortable in the chair.

"_Sasuke." I thought I heard someone call my name. "Sasuke, wake up." I heard someone call my name again. _"Sasuke."

I jumped up and immediately opened my eyes. I blinked a few times before my vision became completely clear again. I realized it must have been Orochimaru's voice that I heard calling my name.

A yawn escaped my lips as looked over at him. "Hm?"

He looked at me with a soft and gentle expression as he spoke. "It's late. Have you been here since I fell asleep earlier?"

I nodded slowly. "I only meant to rest my eyes for a few minutes, I didn't mean to fall asleep..." My voice sounded unusually gentle as I spoke. "Sorry...I'll leave." It was rare for me to apologize, but the words came out of my mouth before I even knew what I was saying. I started to rise out of the chair so I could leave his room.

"Wait child." He tilted his head to the side and continued to look at me with a gentle expression.

I hesitantly sat back down into the chair and gave him a questioning look.

"I wasn't implying I wanted you to leave, I woke you up because I thought you might be more comfortable in a bed." Both his voice and his eyes were gentle as he spoke to me. "You're more than welcome to stay and sleep where you are though."

It would have been all too easy for me to get up and lay down on his bed, but I decided against it. I still wasn't ready to risk rejection. "Hn." I stood up and headed for the door. "I'm going to go back to my room." I slowly walked back to my room as I thought about the gentle expression on Orochimaru's face. Once I returned to my room and closed the door behind me, I pressed my back against it and sighed. I stood there leaning against the door for a few minutes before slowly sliding down to a sitting position. I laid my head back against the door and closed my eyes. _"If I don't get my emotions under control soon I'm going to end up doing something really stupid." _After another ten minutes of sitting on the floor, I decided to go to bed. _"I hope Orochimaru feels well enough to train with me some more tomorrow..." _Those were the last thoughts to go through my head before I fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

A/N: Well here we have the second chapter~! I hope you all continue to enjoy the story. ^_^

Story © Kaylin Johnson

Orochimaru,Sasuke Uchiha, Kabuto Yakushi © Masashi Kishimoto


	4. Painful Memories

I awoke very early the next morning because of a horrible feeling I had in my stomach. I groaned a few times before forcing myself to get out of bed. After stretching a few times, I went into the bathroom to get ready for the day. _"It probably wasn't the best idea to go two days without eating..." _I sighed as I made my way to the small kitchen we have in the lair. I made myself a small helping of rice with chicken and vegetables, along with a cup of herbal tea. Another sigh escaped my lips as I sat down and began eating my breakfast.

Only a few bites in and I was already feeling better. _"Why on earth did I decide it would be a good idea to sleep for two days instead of eating?"_ Although I ate rather quickly, I savored every bite. _"I wonder if Orochimaru has eaten anything yet?" _I stood up to take care of my dishes and began making some vegetable soup for him. After the soup was finished, I placed it on a dinner tray and began walking towards Orochimaru's room.

It took me about ten minutes to reach his room from the kitchen. After I arrived, I slowly opened the door to his bedroom and quietly walked in. He was still sleeping, so I placed the bowl of soup on his bedside table. I had already anticipated that he would be asleep, so I had a cover over the soup. I watched him sleep for a few moments before turning around and leaving. I was curious to see if he would be up anytime soon, so I just stood outside of his door leaning against the wall.

_From behind the door I heard Orochimaru begin to stir in his bed. After a few more minutes I heard the rustling of blankets as he sat up. "Hm?" I assumed he had spotted the bowl of soup I left for him on his bedside table. I heard him pick up the bowl and take the lid off of it. After a moment, I heard the spoon hitting the edges of the bowl, which meant he must have started eating. He must have finished his soup after a few more minutes, because I heard him set the bowl back down on the table beside his bed. I heard him yawn and then sigh softly. _

Suddenly I heard footsteps coming down the hallway. Which could only mean one thing; Kabuto was on his way to check on Orochimaru. I wanted to be near Orochimaru for a while longer, and Kabuto certainly wasn't going to stop me. I quietly made my way into the bedroom beside Orochimaru's and masked my chakra signals. I leaned against the wall connecting the room I was currently in with the room Orochimaru was in. _"Kabuto, you better not stay for too long."_

_I heard Kabuto open the door to Orochimaru's bedroom and walk in. "Ah, good morning Orochimaru-Sama, how are you feeling?" He asked in an overly happy sounding voice..._

_Orochimaru cleared his throat. "I'm alright." He went quiet for a moment, which probably meant he wasn't quite awake yet. "Thank you for the soup Kabuto, it was delicious." He sounded happy and grateful as he spoke. I could only imagine the beautiful smile he must have been giving Kabuto. _

"_Soup? Lord Orochimaru, I didn't make you any soup." Kabuto sounded a little confused as he spoke. _

It surprised me that Kabuto didn't take credit for making the soup. Wait. My heart stopped for a moment as I realized something: Orochimaru was going to know it was me who made the soup. I had every intention of getting as far away from this end of the lair as possible, but Orochimaru's voice suddenly interrupted my thoughts.

"_Well if you didn't make this soup, that could only mean it was Sasuke who left it for me." He paused for a moment, no doubt thinking it was odd for me to show any sign of compassion. "Hmm, why would my dear cold-hearted Sasuke make me soup?" I could hear the amusement in his voice as he spoke. _

That did it. I could only imagine how perfect his expression must have looked just now. He always smiles such a mischievous smile when he's amused, and his eyes always light up in the most breath-taking way. His eyes could definitely be considered one of my weaknesses. I sighed softly as I continued to think about those golden orbs for a few more minutes. _"I need to leave...and get some fresh air for a while..." _Quietly and carefully, I left the room and made my way to the part of the lair that would take me above ground.

After I was outside I started jumping through the trees in the nearby forest. I really had no idea where I was going, I was just focused on getting away from Orochimaru for a while. I wandered through the forest for a couple of hours before I stopped to take a break. I decided to go to one of my favorite spots; a quiet little field surrounded by the trees with a small pond in the center of it. I sat down near the edge of the pond and just stared at it blankly. After a few more minutes of resting, I decided to practice some of my fire jutsu. I was intent on making each fire ball jutsu bigger than the last. It wasn't until I'd been practicing for a good hour and a half that I started to feel drained.

After releasing one last fire ball jutsu, I placed my hands on my knees and took in a few deep breaths. _"I think the last time I practiced fire ball jutsu like this was—" _I cut my thoughts short when I realized where they were headed, and my heart sunk. The last time I had practiced my fire ball jutsu this intensely was when I was seven years old. It was the first time my father had ever shown any sign that he was proud of me... I wanted nothing more than to feel angry instead of hurt, but there was no one here for me to take my anger out on. I sighed and slowly sat down on the ground again. My thoughts betrayed me as they began to flood with memories of my past. I completely zoned out as I stared blankly into the water.

* * *

I heard footsteps behind me, but I didn't move from my spot. "Sasuke?" Of course it would be Orochimaru. "Why are you just sitting alone out here in the middle of the night?" His voice was soft and casual as he spoke.

I had been too absorbed in my thoughts to realize it was already night time. After sitting there for so long remembering the past, I felt completely numb. Not even the fact that Orochimaru had come to check up on me was making me feel better. I remained still and didn't answer his question.

"Sasuke?" He got closer and walked around me so he could see my face. He must have noticed the empty look in my eyes, as he suddenly knelt down in front of me and placed a hand on my face. "What's wrong child?" Now his voice was full of concern, probably for his own selfish reasons though.

I didn't know how to answer his question. If I don't respond at all, he'll know something is _really _bothering me. If I tell him the truth about why I've been sitting here like this, he'll think I'm weak. He'll think I'm still that young child who cries every time he misses his family. So I decided to do what I'm best at; push people away. I removed Orochimaru's hand from my face and remained silent.

He sighed. "If you don't tell me what's bothering you I can't help you." He waited a few more minutes to see if I would say anything, and when I didn't, he continued. "Fine. Stay out here for all I care, but pushing me away now isn't going to help you get stronger." With that said, he stood up and began walking back towards the hideout.

* * *

I continued to sit there in my numb state for a while longer before deciding to head back to the hideout as well. I had only been walking through the forest for twenty minutes before I found Orochimaru leaning up against a tree. I felt a little surprised to see he had waited for me, and began walking towards him.

His face was stern as he looked at me, but his eyes remained gentle. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" I shook my head slowly in response. "Is this going to effect your training tomorrow?" I shook my head again. "Then I'll leave it alone." He stopped leaning against the tree and gestured for me to follow him.

I stayed behind Orochimaru and kept my gaze on his back as we walked to the lair. It was a rather quiet walk for the two of us, he didn't speak a single word to me the entire walk back. _"Did he come to check up on me because he was genuinely worried? Or was it because he was afraid his __**precious vessel**__ might have been damaged?" _A million other thoughts ran through my head as I tried to figure out Orochimaru's motive for checking up on me. I was once again too absorbed in my thoughts to see what was happening right in front of me, and I bumped into something. Something soft brushed against my face, it felt like hair...but not my own. It took me a moment to realize I had bumped into Orochimaru, who had turned around to face me. I kept my face against his chest for a moment, I wanted nothing more than to be embraced and comforted by him...

He didn't push me away from his chest, or show any signs that he thought it was strange for me to stay there. "We've been walking for more than the two hours it would have taken us to get back to the hideout. Not to mention you zoned out to the point you actually ran into me. I was going to leave it alone, but whatever is bothering you is obviously going to be a hindrance." His voice was stern, but in a way that sounded like he was worried.

I stopped myself just as I was about to wrap my arms around him. _"No...I can't..." _I hesitantly stepped away from Orochimaru and turned around to make my way back to the hideout without uttering a single syllable.

I made sure I went straight to my bedroom the moment I returned to the hideout. I didn't even have the energy to sigh as I crawled into bed and collapsed against the pillow. Try as I might, I couldn't fall asleep. Hours had passed since my encounter with Orochimaru, and all I did was lay there resting my eyes. After another hour of sleepless rest; I felt rather thirsty and I got out of bed to quietly make my way to the kitchen. I poured myself a tall glass of water and sat down at the table. I set the glass down on the table after I drank most of the water. I folded my arms across the table and leaned down to rest my face upon them. A yawn escaped my mouth as I began to blink my eyes. Of course I would begin to fall asleep when I was _away _from the comfort of my bed. I struggled to keep my eyes open for a few more minutes before I realized that sleep was inevitable...

* * *

"_Hmm? Sasuke." I felt someone shake my shoulders gently. "Sasuke? Wake up child."_

I opened my eyes to find that I was still in the kitchen, and Orochimaru was staring at me in confusion.

"...What?" I blinked a few times as I began to slowly sit up.

"I'm just trying to figure out why you were asleep at the kitchen table." Now he was looking at me with an amused expression; his eyes were gleaming mischievously, and he was smirking slightly.

His _high and mighty_ attitude is just too much for me to handle first thing in the morning... "I was thirsty." A small yawn escaped my lips, and I realized my short answer didn't really answer his question. "...and I fell asleep before I could make it back to my room."

He just sighed and shook his head, although his smile remained intact. "Well, no matter." He stared at me for a minute before continuing. "Since you're here, you might as well join me for breakfast. I'm going to need your assistance in the lab today, and we still have training later."

I frowned at that. "I thought you had a four-eyed teacher's pet who lives and breathes to help you?" There wasn't a single ounce of humor in my voice as I spoke to him. I absolutely _despise _Kabuto.

He raised a brow at my tone and chuckled softly. "Well you see, I sent Kabuto out on a very important errand and he won't be back for a couple of days." He walked over to the fridge, no doubt getting something ready for breakfast. After he grabbed his desired items from the fridge, he turned his head to look at me over his shoulder. "So I'm afraid you're stuck with me for the rest of the day."

I was about to say something in retaliation when his words sank in. My heart stopped for a moment and then started beating way too fast. _"You're stuck with me for the rest of the day."_ His words kept repeating in my head as I stared at his back. I allowed the smallest of smiles to form on my lips for a moment. _"I get to spend the entire day with Orochimaru. Alone. With no Kabuto to interrupt us." _I was beginning to feel extremely grateful that I had fallen asleep at the kitchen table last night; today was already off to a great start.

* * *

A/N: I apologize for the late update! I have been very busy these past couple of weeks, but I am very happy I was able to sit down and write the rest of this chapter. :) I hope you all continue to enjoy reading this story, and thank you for all of the reviews and favorites so far~! ^_^

Story © Kaylin Johnson

Orochimaru, Sasuke Uchiha and Kabuto Yakushi © Masashi Kishimoto


	5. Losing Control

I honestly couldn't believe how happy I felt in that moment; especially considering how awful I felt just a couple of hours ago. I really need to do something about these mood swings... Shaking those thoughts out of my head, I continued to watch Orochimaru as he began to cook us breakfast. _"Why must he be so __**perfect**__?" _I sighed contently as I thought that.

"You know, instead of sitting there and _watching_ me cook; you could actually get up and _help_ me." Orochimaru turned around to face me with a small smile of amusement on his face.

I didn't really want to get up and help, because then I wouldn't be able to admire him from across the room. "As I recall; _I_ cooked for _you_ yesterday, so now it's only fair that _you_ cook for _me_, and we'll call it even." I was talking in the tone I always use when I'm challenging him; the one that just screams 'I possess the blood of an all powerful clan and you don't'.

He chuckled softly at my reply before he turned around to finish cooking breakfast. "I never did thank you for that, child." He looked over his shoulder for a moment and looked at me with gentle eyes.

His comment caught me off guard and it took me a moment to form a response. "I thought it would be a shame if you starved to death before my training was completed." I made sure I didn't sound completely serious as I spoke. After all; the real reason I had made breakfast for him in the first place was because I was genuinely concerned about his health.

"Hmm, is that so?" He walked over and placed a plate of eggs and toast in front of me. "Or perhaps you've just become fond of my company?" He locked his eyes with mine as he spoke in a playful tone. When I didn't say anything in response, he let out another soft laugh and went to get a plate of food for himself. Once he fixed his plate, he walked back over towards the table and sat down next to me. "Are you going to eat your food or just stare at it?"

I frowned and then glared at him half-heartedly. "Shut up." I turned away from him and began to eat my food. Our breakfast went by quickly and quietly, neither one of us willing to break the silence. After we finished I got up and wordlessly grabbed both of our plates and walked over to the sink to clean them. Apparently it was my turn to be watched; as I could feel Orochimaru's eyes on me while I cleaned the plates. _"No heart, stop beating so fast, he's just... staring at me..." _I sighed as I finished taking care of the dishes.

Orochimaru stood up from his spot at the table and walked towards me. "Well, shall we head off to the lab?" He was standing rather close to me, and his soft and gentle voice was that much clearer to my ears.

"Hn." I cautiously turned around to face him, and thankfully he was still a few feet away from me. I stared at him for a moment, unable to stop myself from gazing into his eyes...again.

* * *

We spent hours in Orochimaru's lab as he worked on various experiments. It felt like I had a mini heart-attack whenever our hands touched for the brief moment I would hand him something. "Are we going to train anytime soon? We've been in here for hours and I'm still not sure what you're doing."

Orochimaru sighed and looked over at me impatiently. "I'm trying to concentrate child, wait a moment." He looked back over the items and various scrolls that were in front of him and completely ignored me for an entire hour. He really does enjoy experimenting...

After the first ten minutes of being ignored, I sat down in his chair and just watched him. He looked so focused on his work, and I could tell he was enjoying it. Whatever 'it' is... At least he was focused enough that I could stare at him all I wanted and not worry about him saying anything. It was the only thing keeping me occupied at the moment and I was starting to wonder if he had forgotten about my training.

He suddenly stood up straight and looked over at me. "Sasuke, come over here for a moment, I require assistance." He beckoned me over with a wave of his hand and then went back to staring at the scrolls in front of him.

I sighed and rose from my spot on his chair and went to see what he needed help with. "What is it?"

He looked back up at me. "Release a blast of your Chidori and pay attention to how much Chakra it uses up." Orochimaru was looking rather impatient at the moment, so I released a decent amount of Chidori from my hand without questioning him. "Now, swallow this pill and do the same thing as before."

I hesitantly took the pill from Orochimaru's hand and swallowed it. I released the same amount of Chidori as before hand and made sure to take note of how much Chakra it took. _"Amazing."_ I was stunned by the results. "It only took half of the amount of Chakra as before."

Orochimaru's eyes lit up at my words. "Excellent. That means I finally perfected the formula." He began writing down ingredients and instructions on a blank page in one of his books. "These will come in handy for training, and other battles we may get into in the future. It's a drug that reduces the amount of Chakra one needs to preform Jutsu." He smiled to himself, he was obviously proud of his accomplishment.

I frowned as I stared him at him with a rather annoyed expression on my face. I don't even know how many hours I spent helping him in the lab, and as much as I enjoyed the time with him; I would have rather we spent it doing _anything_ else.

"Huh?" Orochimaru blinked a few times and tilted his head in confusion. "What's wrong child?" I didn't answer him, I just kept staring at him impatiently, waiting to see if he'd figure it out. "I'm not a mind reader you know. So you might as well spit it out already."

I sighed. "I've spent hours on end helping you in a field I'm not particularly skilled in, and I was under the impression you were going to train me today; but apparently, you forgot about me."

He looked genuinely surprised by my words and he pursed his lips for a moment. "Forgive me child, I was lost in the excitement of my experiment. Join me for lunch, and we'll begin training immediately after we finish." He started walking towards the exit and gestured for me to follow him.

I was extremely grateful that he turned around, because his words made me have another mini heart-attack, and I was sure I could feel my face heat up. _"I need to get my emotions under control. This being angry at him one minute and wanting to...to..." _I sighed and shook my head before following Orochimaru back to the kitchen.

* * *

Once we returned to the kitchen we began preparing a simple meal together. Neither of us spoke much as we cooked lunch, just a few words here and there when we needed a utensil or an ingredient. Every time I would hand him something, or he would hand me something, I would feel my heart skip a beat. _"I really need to hurry up and start training...It is getting harder and harder to keep my emotions in check. At this rate I'm going to end up doing something really stupid." _I sighed as I continued to battle with my own thoughts.

"I can't speed up how fast this food cooks without burning it. So if you're really that impatient, you can go to the training room and warm up while I eat." Orochimaru's words had suddenly broken the long silence between us and startled me in the process.

I looked over at him slowly. "Where did that come from? What makes you think I'm not hungry?" His words had confused me, and I was trying to figure out what they meant.

He just shook his head. "You've sighed quite a few times since we started making lunch, and I could only assume it was because you wanted to start training already." He raised a brow at me questioningly.

"Well that's your fault for making an incorrect assumption. I am perfectly fine with waiting until we've finished eating before we start my training." I turned around to finish my half of the meal and resisted the sudden urge to roll my eyes.

He stared at me with raised brows for a moment; clearly my little statement had surprised him. "Hmm." Orochimaru seemed to be thinking over his next words very carefully as he returned to cooking our fish. "Then if you're _perfectly fine _with waiting; why were you sighing like that?" He glanced over at me once to watch my reaction.

I refused to look over at him and I had to literally bite my tongue before I said something really stupid. _"Because you irritate me to no end with your irresistibly golden eyes that distract me from important things...like breathing." _After another minute of feeling his patient eyes on me, I decided to try and answer him. "..." But all I ended up doing was staring at him, which just continued to frustrate me. Without giving him an answer, I turned back to the vegetables I had been cooking and realized they were done. I slowly looked over at Orochimaru. "The vegetables are done."

He raised a brow and shook his head. "So you were sighing because the vegetables were done?" Orochimaru's voice had a playful and mocking tone to it as he spoke.

I blinked a few times before glaring at him. "Just shut up and make sure you don't burn our fish." I realized I didn't exactly sound angry with him, but I was finding it harder and harder to be unhappy around him.

Orochimaru chuckled softly before he turned to finish cooking our fish. "Hmm, it would appear that the fish is finished and is perfectly fine. It isn't burnt in the slightest." He turned off the small counter top grill he was cooking the fish on and smirked at me. He grabbed two plates and set them down on the counter. "I'm going to check on the rice now, so put the fish and vegetables on our plates." He must have heard the small sound of annoyance I made, because he added a quiet 'please' as he walked towards the stove.

I shook my head slowly as I watched him walk over to the stove. Even though he didn't exactly ask me, I still placed a fish and a small serving of vegetables on each of the plates. After looking down at the food on our plates I realized just how hungry I was. I looked over towards the stove. "Hey Orochimaru, is the rice done?"

He looked over at me for a moment and then back at the rice. "Yes, I'd say it's just about done." He turned off the stove and beckoned me over with a wave of his hand. He waited until I set our plates down on the counter next to the stove before he put a serving of rice on each of them. "Well, I'd say it's time to eat." He grabbed his plate and made his way over to the table.

I picked up my plate and was about to sit down when I realized something; I could either sit down at the far end of the table _away_ from Orochimaru, or sit down _next_ to Orochimaru. I felt extremely stupid as I contemplated where to sit; I mean _he _sat down next to _me_ this morning when we ate breakfast.

Orochimaru must have realized I was taking too long to sit down, for he suddenly looked at me with a small smile on his face. "You can sit down next to me dear Sasuke, it's not like I bite." His gaze wandered over to the left side of my neck and he smirked. "Well, I suppose that's not _entirely _true." He chuckled softly as he spoke.

The remark about my curse mark snapped me out of my foolish thoughts and I let out a frustrated sigh. I walked over to the table and sat down next to him. "I swear you talk just to hear your own voice sometimes..."

Orochimaru continued to smile in an amused way. "Perhaps." He let out another chuckle before turning his attention to his food. After a few minutes of eating in silence, Orochimaru looked over at me. "You know, it's been a rather nice change of pace today. Kabuto would never dream of telling me to shut up or glare at me and make rude remarks the way you do." He took a few more bites of his food before continuing. "You're not afraid to tell me what's on your mind or even afraid of being yelled at, and I have to thank you for that child."

I was completely overwhelmed by what he said. _"He enjoyed having me around? And he enjoyed it more than spending a day with Kabuto? He's thanking me because I'm not afraid to tell him what's on my mind? But... I am afraid to tell him what's on my mind. And his words are making it that much harder for me to keep those words from reaching my tongue..." _I finished up my last few bites of food and stood up to go clean my plate. I couldn't speak, and I needed to be on the other side of the room before he heard how loud my heart was beating.

I really needed to calm myself down. _"Calm down... I need to calm down... Just think of Itachi, and all of the awful things he's done these past nine years..."_ Not even that was working today. All I could think about was Orochimaru, and I was utterly confused. _"He's on my mind more than revenge lately, and that could be dangerous...I just need to wait until he's done eating so that we can start my training for today..." _

The thoughts had barely formed in my head and Orochimaru was already right beside me. He stretched his hands out towards the sink and took the plate from me. "There's no need for that right now, I've made you wait for your training long enough for one day." He set my plate down on the counter and smiled softly at me.

Orochimaru's hands came into contact with mine as he took the plate away from me. The feeling of his skin against mine made my heart stop, not to mention the fact that he was being considerate of me again, and smiling at me warmly. Willing myself to stay completely calm, I turned to him and nodded slowly in response. _"This man is going to be the death of me..." _

* * *

A/N: Well, I realize it's been quite a while since I last updated, but this chapter was giving me quite a bit of trouble. I finished it a few days ago, but I hadn't proofread or edited it until tonight because I spilled water on my laptop the other day and had to take it apart to let it dry. ._. So I put it back together today and it's working perfectly fine again, but I backed up all of my files just in case.

So I hope you all enjoyed this, and I just wanted to thank you all of the follows, favorites, and reviews! ^_^

Story © Kaylin Johnson

Sasuke Uchiha and Orochimaru © Masashi Kishimoto


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